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| 09:27am 17/05/2006 |
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I don't know where to start, it's been almost a year since I updated this livejournal. A lot has happened really. Umm..List?
1. Still with Keri.
2. Worked at Pep Boys, A shitload of Gas Stations, T-Mobile, and now Land America Title Company.
3. Living in a two bedroom townhome, just me and keri.
4. Might be getting another roomate because our old roomates were fat lazy slobs who get everything handed to them by their fucking parents.
5. Lost the Ford Focus, Declared Bankruptsy, Got a 1989 Buick that I owe 500 dollars on.
6. Parental/Child relationships are better with my side of the family.
7. Grew up...
8. Quit going to goth night, it shut down and OPM sucks balls.
9. Still smoking bud.
10. I'm poor....still.
11. Starting school in September for Real Estate.
12. Lost weight, not too much, but i'm getting better.
13. I have a myspace, if anyone cares. www.myspace.com/psyfrus
14. I turned 21! :)
15. I reconciled with some old friends.
uhh, thats all I can think of. I went through a lot more but those were highlights. Anyway, I may type in this more, depends on my mood. |
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I'll spill my heart |
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| 05:01pm 25/07/2005 |
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mood: happy music: My Chemical Romance - Helena
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So... Interesting last week, I went to Euphoria same as always, everything was seeming to be like a crappy night, but then something funny happened. Neuroticfish came on, and something came over me and I extended my hand to this girl standing alone with her friends, danced with her to that, then E Nominine came on, and I danced even harder, then after that I got to know her, her name was Keri, so I said awesome. HIM came on.. I told her she had to dance with me because HIM was my favorite band.. turns out hers is too, so we danced all hardcore to the song. Then soon after that she had to go, so we exchanged numbers, me thinking nothing would turn out from it.. so she calls me on friday and asks me if I wanted to do something with her on sunday. I'm totally down, so on sunday she calls me and we go see Devils rejects together, she made the first move, and I just went into it. Holding eachother throughout the entire movie, and after the movie, hanging out for alittle while, and then finally ending the night in a kiss, today I asked her out and she got really excited and squeaked, and said yes, so needless to say, I'm finally happy, I've got everything I could want out of life now. Excellent friends, a place to live, food, euphoria, and a girlfriend. Life is sweet.. Now it's just kyle's turn to get a girl. :D |
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I'll spill my heart |
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| 11:49pm 22/07/2005 |
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mood: scared music: HIM - Pretending
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So.. I've been contemplating where my life is going.. I've come to the conclusion that it's going to go nowhere.. and when I turn 21, thats going to suck, because I know I'm going to turn into a alcoholic.. there seems to be no reason for me to be happy.. I mean I try, I try really hard to be happy, to take the time to make myself think i'm happy, but what happens? Something or someone always screws it up for me.. I'm truely scared.. I'm scared I'm going to turn to drugs and alcohol to get rid of the pain, and I'm going to turn into a worthless bum that no one cares about and everyone forgets... I spend so much time thinking about this but there is nothing I can do to change, even if I want to.. psychiatrists don't help at all, medication I would take with alcohol to get a bigger high.. I'm turning into everything I told myself I would never be.. why? Because life has finally shown me it has no room for me, no time or paitence, everyone is moving their own direction and doing their own thing.. dispite what my friends say.. I seriously think they would move on if I were to just dissapear.. and I've contemplated it a lot.. I honestly don't know why I'm so worthless to myself... maybe it's the people i hang around? maybe it's the way I was brought up? maybe it's the people I meet? maybe it's just me? who knows.. all I know is that if something doesn't change soon.. only god knows where i'll end up... and that truely scares me.. |
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1 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 08:49am 17/07/2005 |
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mood: crushed music: Linkin Park - My December
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I've done a lot of thinking over the past couple of years.. particularly about one person..she knows who she is.. I wish I could go back in time, right the wrongs I did.. change something, I regret making the mistakes I made, I wish I could change things so much. I spent way too much time being selfish and self-centered and not spending enough time and attention into the thing that mattered most.. my relationship.. fueling my love. After almost 3 years.. I still love her so much, I would still take her back in a heartbeat if I could.. for some reason, something about her made me happier than anything in the world, every passing moment with her was more than I could ever ask for.. I know these are all just going to be memories, and it's going to tear me up for the rest of my life.. It really was the one who got away, and I let her go, infact I messed up beyond anything I could have imagined.. and broke up with her again when I had her back in my life.. you could call me a moron for that and I would accept it, even though at the time I thought it was the best decision to make.. I love her more than life could possibly understand, and she is the only one I would ever come back for.. too bad I wont ever see us in a relationship again.. but those are the kind of things I sadly have to accept and live with...
Sometimes I wish I would have just moved to wisconsin, no matter what, when I turned 18.. |
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I'll spill my heart |
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| 06:17am 12/07/2005 |
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It's 6 in the morning. I've slept 5 hours in the past 48, and kyle and josh are playing x-box live...halo 2.. blah. My mind is one track, I have a headache, and my back hurts.. I could use some muscle relaxers right now for sure... Basically i'm letting go of everything anymore. I could give a shit less about anything anymore.. people could call me names to my face and I wouldn't care either way, at this point and time, the only thing that matters anymore is ... yeah I don't even know anymore, i'm to fucking tired to care.. |
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I'll spill my heart |
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| 04:24am 07/07/2005 |
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mood: destroyed music: Simple Plan - Untitled
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So... I started smoking.. why? To releave the stress of all you fucking worthless individuals who make my life the piece of shit it is. Drinking... kept doing that. Smoking pot does nothing, and I don't want to do cocaine because it causes addiction.. I miss that high though, when you do cocaine nothing matters because everything seems to leave, including your soul.. maybe thats why most coke addicts look lifeless.. life has a funny way of showing you it hates you, why? Thats all life is, hate, sadness, emptiness, depression, all of that. I watch one of my best friends get torn apart by a worthless existance of a bitch who doesn't know anything other than high school drama.. she claims to love him, yeah right. He has no problem getting girls unlike me though; maybe it's new mexico? who knows, all the girls that have any sense of relevance live too far away or don't exist, jolly for me. Yeah.. so I need to feel something besides depression and hatred.. is that so wrong? I don't think it's too much to ask.. to be happy.. to not spend so much god damn time putting on this fake visage that i'm happy all the time, to act like I have no drama when I really have nothing but drama because I make it for myself. I figured people would see that as a quality, instead they tend to thrive on drama, well fuck you. you know.. i'm always bashing people in my entries.. I wonder why? Maybe if you'de spend more time being quality human beings and not so much fucking time being ignorant, I might stop. Don't tell me it's not so fucking bad, anyone, you don't know what it's like, you all think yuo have it so bad, most people don't even know what it's like to be truely hurt, reguardless of what you think, take my ex's for instance, they're both in relationships.. what am I doing? sitting here, alone, I mean I have friends around me, but that doesn't mean i'm not truely alone on the inside, so don't even fucking tell me it's not so bad, you have your boyfriends, reguardless of how "happy" they make you. I go to bed at night and I wonder if I was put on this earth for the general support of others, or to change something.. cause I don't think I was put on this earth to be happy... just like I always said.. comic relief.. I am around to make others happy. I don't expect to get anything positive back in comments.. I probably pissed at least one person off with this entry, but I don't care anymore.. I don't really care about anything anymore, i'm sick of faking happiness, i'm sick of faking like I don't care.. I'm sick of feeling like I don't have the right to be unhappy.. but i'm going to keep on pretending.. because thats what people want to see, if they don't see me smile, and joke, and play around, they think somethings wrong, then they start asking questions, and I hate talking about myself, thats why I always say nothing.. because nothing I go through is important, all everyone really cares about is theirselves anyway, I mean sure they could listen to what I say, but in the end they have their own problems, so I will continue being mr. entertainer, mr fake.. next time you see me, don't ask me whats wrong, cause you know my response.. if I didn't care about the people around me so much, I'd of already done it.... |
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4 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 03:13am 30/06/2005 |
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mood: pissed off music: Story Of The Year - Sidewalks
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So... why bother? I don't want to find the "one".. I don't want to date. I don't want to love. Love is for believers of things that don't exist, blind ignorance, and I don't care if I offend or piss anyone off. Life is worthless and existing is just as worthless, people are just out to try to be better and try to bring others down. I wear eyeliner and am overweight, suddenly i become this guys use of cheap jokes and stupid useless cutdowns.. Those didn't bother me, his ignorance, it bothered the living SHIT out of me, ignorance is not fucking bliss, it's idiocy and hypocrisy. Love is just like ignorance.. idiocy and hypocrisy. So fuck me, fuck off, fuck this and fuck that. People can't see me for who I am, cause no matter HOW HARD anyone fucking tries I'm still overweight, i'm still different. Most people sure can see past the werght and see the personality.. no one would really want to sleep with a overweight person though, why would you? You could get someone with a good body, I'm sure you can get past the shallow moronic attitude, the need to be superior to everyone, the cheap jokes and the pettiness.. but as long as he's hot with a great body right? I'll never be in love.. truely, because every time I think I love a person.. EVERY FUCKING TIME, something happens. Ashley, it was personality conflicts, I was an asshole back then, i'll fully admit that, our breakup was my fault. Cori .. supposibly it was my undying love for ashley and the fact that I didn't show her enough attention.. okay, so my fault again right? Thats why I got cheated on apparently. Well if i'm the big fuckup no one should try with me and I should be destine to be fucking alone. The way it should be right? Fucking right! Suck. My. Fucking. Dick. I hate love, I hate relationships, I hate seeing fucking people kiss, cry, talk about bullshit that wont mean a god damn thing in a week! Stupid fucking high school petty ass god damn drama, THATS ALL IT FUCKING IS, GET THE FUCK OVER IT AND LEARN YOU WILL NEVER TRUELY BE HAPPY! |
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2 + I'll spill my heart |
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| <^> |
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| 06:25pm 26/06/2005 |
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mood: melancholy music: Deadstar Assembly - A Deep Breath
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I hate you. I hate them. I hate everything anymore. I'm tired of the way I look and I'm tired of the way people precieve me. So i'm going to take a break from reality from a while and try not to leave kyle's house for any reason. People and society can lick my asshole. I don't want to be bothered with "pretty" or "beautiful" people in this fucked up societies opinion. I'm just gunna hide in my god damn hole and forget I ever had any implement of a social life. So for anyone that may try to break me out of this shell, don't even fucking try it. The only people who know where I live are Kyle and Josh .. and they aren't gunna be able to get me out of the house.. Good news? I'll save on gas money. I wont get hurt, I won't be dissapointed, I wont try, and I wont exist.. this is the way I want it, so from now on, I'm not going to goth night, i'm not partying, i'm not hanging. Fuck.. This. |
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2 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 07:13am 22/06/2005 |
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mood: chipper music: Soundgarden - black Hole Sun
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well.. time for an update. Still tired of all the crap going on. Good news is I no longer live in that negative apartment, thank god! I now live with my buddy kyle at his parents house, it only temporary till me, kyle and josh get our apartment at sedona ridge, it's gunna rock. It's 7 in the morning; how weird.. i actually didn't fall asleep till 4 am, I went to bed at 12 though. JESUS CHRIST GET THIS FREAK DOG OFF ME.. kyle's sister has this crazy ass godzilla of palmeranians, and it wont leave me the hell alone and it chews on EVERYTHING! I could really use some cereal right now... we hung out with two really cool girls that we met at goth night yesterday. Free ice cream; it was all good, neither of us are interested in either of the girls though so it's cool. Then we went and hung out with raquel, who is an awesome and amazing girl.. she just overall rocks my socks. Kyle is asleep right now.. the crackwhore he is. This has got to be one of the most random entries i've seen to date; rofl. I have nothing to bitch and rant about really, so there is no reason to .. for the first time in a long time I have no drama surrounding me and everything is awesome possum. |
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I'll spill my heart |
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| Fuck you. |
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| 07:11am 18/06/2005 |
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mood: pissed off music: Emimem - Toy Soldiers
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I get it... I'm the guy good enough to tell all your problems to, and good enough to be a best friend with, but i'm not good enough to be with... story of my fucking life. I'm giving up on every trying to find another girl ever again.. the two girls I actually like .. one rejected me. I'm not even trying with the other one. I just want to fucking give up on the idea that I will ever be happy. Fucking cheated on by my ex. Left for a nerd. Heartbroken more times then I can fucking count. I'm a stupid fatass who is just the fucking best friend, thats all I seem to fucking be and thats all i'll ever be. Someone could tell me different but I wont believe them, all I am to everyone is a great guy, WELL IF I'M SUCH A FUCKING GREAT GUY WHY THE FUCK AM I ALWAYS THE ONE ALONE WHY EVERYONEFUCKINGELSE IS HAPPY WITH SOMEONE?!?! HUH? FUCKING ANSWER ME THAT!
i'm so tired of this shit that I'm letting go of the emotions that everyone loves so much. Fuck affection. Fuck understanding anything. FUCK LOVE. and FUCK RELATIONSHIPS. I'm doing this shit solo from now on, and everyone who thinks any different can fucking burn because I could give to shits less anymore... I'm obviously a waste of space who cares to much. Sure i'm a great friend, I'd die for any of my friends, and I'd do anything in the world to make sure none of them hurt, but does that matter in the long run? NO because no matter how hard I fucking try I am just destined to be alone so i'm going to speed up the process and just fucking quit all together. Fuck women. Fuck relationships. fuck love. fuck trying. fuck everything...
This is dedicated to my EX's and everyone like them..
I can't believe it was a lie when you said it to me
Played it to me from the heart when you read it to me
Fed it to me with a silver spoon; I believed
You led me to it as it turns out you've been deceived
Your fucking lifestyle's got myself a nervous wreck
Having dreams with my hands around your fucking neck!
THRUST!
Grip it tight
Make it BUST!
I'm losing my head like you lost my fucking trust!
Open up I can see inside your eyes what's to come ahead
By the way you feel I can see that you are staring dead
All emotion lost from the shit that you have put me through
I will get you back and you will never have a fucking clue
Wilderness of mirrors and myself I can't stop running wild
Every time I think about the shit you did I WANNA KILL!
Everything alive that's in your life I wanna keep it quiet
Just to let you know you let me fall that's how I fucking feel!
I feel abused; so ashamed!
I feel the pain, from the burn, from the lesson learned from the burning flame!
I feel the pain and I'm so confused!
Every time you tell a lie, you're killing my trust leaving faith to die!
You never thought I'd dig it up, you underestimate me
You got it all figured out; always affiliate me
I can never get away cause you investigate me!
I can never say a word cause you evaluate me!
Believe yourself when you lie cause you do it so much
Got me fucked up thinking 'bout who I can trust
Everybody coming at me saying what I should do
Don't know why I feel this way but I WANNA KILL YOU!
Open up, I see inside your eyes what's to come ahead
By the way you feel I can see that you are staring dead
All emotion lost from the shit that you have put me through
I will get you back and you will never have a fucking clue
Wilderness of mirrors and myself I can't stop running will
Every time I think about the shit you did I WANNA KILL!
Everything alive that's in your life I wanna keep it quiet
Just to let you know you let me fall that's how I fucking feel!
I feel abused; so ashamed!
I feel the pain, from the burn, from the lesson learned from the burning flame!
I feel the pain and I'm so confused!
Every time you tell a lie you're killing my trust leaving faith to die!
I feel abused; so ashamed!
I feel the pain, from the burn, from the lesson learned from the burning flame!
I feel the pain and I'm so confused!
Every time you tell a lie you're killing my trust leaving faith to die!
DIE!
Fucked up inside
I see you inside
It's not good (x 8)
Why don't you see what you do?
Why should I wait here for you?
What do you see in yourself?
How can you live with yourself?
How could you think I could trust?
Always leave me in distrust
Thinking the same way you do
Put beside the things I knew
I try
GOODBYE!
I try
GOODBYE!
I feel abused; so ashamed!
I feel the pain, from the burn, from the lesson learned from the burning flame
I feel the pain and I'm so confused
Every time you tell a lie you're killing my trust leaving faith to die
I feel abused; so ashamed!
I feel the pain, from the burn, from the lesson learned from the burning flame
I feel the pain and I'm so confused
Every time you tell a lie you're killing my trust leaving faith to die
Die
Die
Die (Die) |
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3 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 01:29pm 28/05/2005 |
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mood: depressed music: HIM - Beautiful
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Love hurts... The only one person I've ever truely loved and still will always love.. gave up on me pretty much. I'm willing to do anything to prove it to her that I'm worth the trouble. I screwed up bad bad bad bad the last time, I thought it would be better off on her, but it ended up just making her hate me more. I wish I could take back the second time when I broke up with her to move in here.... I wish I coulda just went up there. I'd leave everything for her. I'd move to Wisconsin and stay there. I'd leave everything and everyone behind. As much as I hate to say that because I'd be leaving all my friends it's true. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I'd do anything for her. anything.. If I can't get things to work out.. I don't know what I'll do. |
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2 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 01:58am 26/05/2005 |
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mood: drunk music: Soilwork - Rejection Role
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Okay, so just to clear this up before hand. I'm alittle drunk, so anything I say, if you wanna disreguard it.. do so. I miss ashley, a whole lot, I love that girl with all my heart and I will continue to love her for the rest of my life. I could date 50,000 women, and none of them would compare to her. I'd give anything to be with her again, but looks like thats not going to happen considering she has a boyfriend now, and a life, and blah. I need to smoke and drink myself stupid, take away the mental anguish of it all. Theres a pretty attractive woman in our house, too bad i have no balls to talk to girls like that/get with them. I attract fat chicks too...lemme tell ya. The girls I want I can't get, and the girls I don't want try to get with me. Wtf. Anyway, yeaaah, pretty buzzed still. Kelly was just wrestling with that hot individual and I saved her, yay, but I also was choking and almost threw up.. yeah wow. So nothing i'm saying is probably making sense other than this. I still love my ex, and I'm drunk, and theres a hot girl.. in my room, and I can't do anything about it. Oh well. Typical day in the life of chris. |
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1 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 02:25am 14/05/2005 |
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mood: cynical music: DJ JET - Cybertron Mix.
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It's horrible.. My highs aren't lasting anymore, something always brings them down, or someone, no matter what it is, I seriously think I'd have to be FUBAR in order to not come down, like kill a whole bottle of alcohol, smoke an ounce to myself, and eat like a whole bag of shrooms just to feel decent. Bad thing about drugs, they don't last. Permafried would be my choice if I could, the stupider you are the less you worry about. So i've been hanging out with Josh a lot more, it's a better life now, granted I like hanging with old friends, but kelly, james, dos.. they all have something about them I can't stand. So far there hasn't been any reason to really fightish. Josh and me get along perfectly, it's almost scary. James is too wrapped up in not caring about anything, Jorje is a obsessive compulsive mexican with nothing better to do than steal my computer and talk to his online girlfriend 3000 miles away. (Granted I really want to kick his ass right now, and I hope he reads this. Freeloading bastard.) Kelly... I have no words. He's not the same kelly I knew in high school, he's an ass most of the time now, not to mention all he does is play warcrack, work, and sleep, if thats not an addiction I don't know what is... and he disapproves of me smoking pot? Get a clue. So i'm ... SORT OF involved with this girl becca... it's decent, it's kinda like fuck-buddies, but more cuddle-hanging out ish. Which I actually enjoy better. Poor josh, thats all I have to say...
So we're attempting to look for a place to live. Me and Josh first off, if we get another roomate along the way, that'd be cool too. I know one thing, my life would definitely calm down. I might actually get SLEEP too.
Well, i'm obviously not getting it now. SO yeah. Later. |
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2 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 04:13am 16/04/2005 |
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mood: lonely music: Cradle of Filth - Nymphetamine
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So you can all fucking die... and it's sad because I am so fucking emo and it's pointless. I try to come off as this hardcoreinyourfacedon'tgiveashitwhatyouthink attitude..but I've come to the conclusion that i'm nothing more than a pointless emo kid. The way jorje feels sometime. I can see the pain in his eyes, I can see the pain in his scar'd arms. I see the disgust on my face when I create the scars on my arms. I see the look in my eyes, telling me my soul is fading...
Nothing seems real anymore. The world only makes sense when i'm high.. I don't care if kelly reads this, Infact I hope he does one day, then he'll understand why I do it. I do it to regain sanity, without it pain feels to real, time seems to go by so much quicker.. I don't get the nightmares.. god the nightmares, this actually helps me sleep. I still cut myself .. but thats because I'm stupid and get some form of self-satisfaction out of it. Call me a pity seeking goth, call me a pussy, a piece of shit, I don't care, i'll agree with you, it's all true, and I don't give a shit anymore. Maybe I need some pity.. for once in my fucking life ... maybe I'm asking for help. I don't want PH D medical help.. I need soul to soul connection, I need a real person, not someone to listen, not someone paid to tell me something... no perscription drugs, no fake listeners...
I swear to christ if something doesn't change soon... |
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4 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 01:51am 31/03/2005 |
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mood: depressed music: Various Depressing Songs.
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I was at Jeremy's, and I was standing there with a butterfly knife to my arm.. If tamara wouldn't of told me to stop, I probably would have pushed harder.. I don't want anything to do with life anymore at this point. Call me a quitter, call me suicidal, call me a pussy, I don't give a fuck. I don't care what anyone has to say. No my life isn't hard, no I'm not going through some rough shit, yeah your life is probably harder than mine. What I have going on in my mind is enough to put me in the coffin. With every day another nail is driven into the top. I can't even function correctly anymore.. I stopped caring about almost everything, personal hygine, looks, what people think, what I think, what I do, who i'm around .. the only people I have fun around anymore are Jeremy and James and Jorge when we're stoned.. Raging alcoholism and smoking isn't really something I should be doing, but I don't care. There is a full bottle of vodka in the freezer. I'm so tempted to kill it. God help me cause I think I'm going insane.
Constantine .. bad ass movie, thats all I have to say, keanu f'n rocked in it, so everyone can go to hell.
My music choices aren't helping me either.
HIM - Beautiful
Crossfade - Cold
Linkin Park - My December
Sum 41 - Pieces
Deadstar Assembly - Breathe for Me
Velvet Revolver - Fall to Pieces
Seether and Amy Lee - Broken
Flaw - My Letter
I like listing music .. don't I? Guess it's such a huge reflection on the way I feel half the time.
I could cut my wrists open, stab myself in the throat, take 50 pain killers, kill a bottle of alcohol, hold my head underwater and drink bleach ... and feel so right with myself. I wont though, I wont because life goes on, life takes it's hardships, and life fucks you over, but in the end .. maybe something good comes out of it? Maybe... |
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1 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 01:46am 16/03/2005 |
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mood: amused music: Blind Guardian & Iced Earth - Blood On My
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Yeah, so .. Saturday night we ALL got trashed! It was great. Oh oh, don't get dissapointed. Christopher brings pictures to prove the night of sinful bliss. If your bandwith is slow, i'm sorry, I tried bringing down the size as much as possible.
( Drunken Fun ) |
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1 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 02:51pm 12/03/2005 |
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mood: ...... music: Children Of Bodom - Hate Crew Deathroll
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I wont go into detail, but I think I'm doing something I may regret in the future, near future. It's reasons like this I smoke, drink, and do things I shouldn't. Everyone seems to like the "Bad Boy" side of me though. I dunno why but sure why not I guess I'll just stay this way. I got fucked out of a promotion chance this week. I was going to apply for team lead, I had all my stats but one, quality, and by 7 points. Sucks but oh well. I don't give a shit really, there is always another chance. I'm going to Cheri (VolcanicPinup)'s suspension tomorrow afternoon. Suspension is something I really want to try sometime in the future, I just don't know when, I'll figure something out eventually.
I discovered the biggest form of music I'm getting into. Fucking European Metal. Stuff that has a irish, swedish, german, findland or czech sound. In Flames, Blind Guardian, Children of Bodom, HIM, Rammstein, etc. American rock is not my speed anymore. I Really like Irish metal. Bagpipes and heavy metal, can't get any better than that. People want me to hang out with them all the time now, it's kind of tiring, I don;t seem to have time for myself, that and I'm caught between some stuff with some individuals right now that is bothering the hell out of me. I really think it's a big tie between In Flames and Children of Bodom .. random thought.
It's just me and james in the apartment, I dunno if I want to hang out with anyone else today, I dunno we'll see... |
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3 + I'll spill my heart |
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| 01:51am 07/03/2005 |
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mood: exhausted music: The sound of Jorge, Kelly, and James talking of video games
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Good update. I'm exhausted. I spent the ending part of the day with cori, I missed cori, it's good to hang out with her, even if as friends, she has changed a lot, but so have I, think we're more compatable this way; I definetely plan to hang out with her more. I'm not doing good on sleep, didn't go to bed till late, woke up early, you know how it goes. I have to be up at 9:30 and crap, oh well because at least I'll sleep decently, unlike usual. Stopped by Jeremy's, got an In Flames and Shadows Fall Shirts at Hot Topic for 20 bucks, ripped my brand new pants (son of a bitch.) Other than that, terrific day all and all, thats unusual. o_O Oh well, fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck, I'm going to bed bitches. Nighty Night Ya'll. |
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I'll spill my heart |
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| 05:51am 06/03/2005 |
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mood: drained music: In Flames - Trigger
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Drama needs to go away. I hate drama more then anything in the world. Crap with richie and his cousin Josh, Amanda getting involved, just a buncha crap. I need a ciggarette. I started smoking again. I quit when I was married, cori didn't like it. Now I'm not tied down, so oh well, fuck the world and fuck my lungs. I need a drink too. We don't have any alcohol either, and today is GOD'S day, so there will be no selling of alcohol. Before the drama the day was pretty decent, woke up around 11 to James' girlfriend pouncing on me, then went with kelly, amanda, and daniel to the mule house or something for good cheap breakfest, then I while everyone went to work I went to Jeremy and Tamara's and hung out with them, we went to the mall with richie where I got a new nifty pair of OH SO TRENDY hot topic pants, hey I needed new pants, and they were 29 dollars, so bite me. Then we went to outback, had some cheese fries and some hot wings, then went to billards to play pool. Then right as we went to the frontier to get some food is when all the friggin drama started. Not going to go into detail but I'd really wish people would think before they act, it kinda pisses me off sometimes.
My cat threw up three times tonight. Worrying me, he also started foaming at the mouth when I tried to give him a benedrele (or whatever, and yes you can give animals anti-hystamine.) well it was more like mass salivation, but still, it was creepy, I need to take him to a veternarian, he may be sick. He's the only thing I really care about anymore, everyone else is too wrapped up in their own lives and their own drama, so I'll avoid that and just be a hermit with my kittie. It's 6:43 in the morning, I've been up since 11:00, the sun is out, fun times. I haven't seen the sun rise in a while.
Life sucks. |
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4 + I'll spill my heart |
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